Its More Than Sex

What is Sex? - Your Sexuality Part 3

2007-01-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

In some cases, your fantasies are taking more of your time than you do on earth, or sometimes, your fantasies become to vivid that you feel like you have to act it in real life. If these are the cases, talk to someone you can trust and mature enough to help you sort out your feelings.

The bottom line is, do what you need to do to find your answers - read books, fantasize and ask your mature and trusted friend a lot of questions. If you are comfortable, talk to your doctor, school nurse or pharmacist, bear in mind, as long as you are not in danger to break the laws, whatever you told them is confidential. Getting answers to your questions help you grow and become a healthy, mature and sexual being.

You might think that its embarrasing to ask question about sex, but just think, if and when you decide to have sex, don't you want to be sure of it? that you've done your homework? If you think it's embarrassing to ask now, don't you think that it would be a lot more embarrassing later? especially if you made the wrong decision...

What is Sex? - Your Sexuality Part 2

2007-01-11T02:29:00.000-08:00

Wet dreams
Sexy dreams could cause a guy to have an erection or sometimes ejaculate during his sleep. So when he wakes up, he find himself wet and sticky. The same occurs to girls too (accept you won't have an erection), but the amount of moisture produced is much less, therefore not as noticeable. Even though wet dreams are pretty common at your age, they don't happen to everybody. So don't fret if it doesn't happen to you.

Fantasies
It a safe way to explore your sexual desires. No, they are not weird, nor it means that whoever are having it are perverts (as long as they don't act it to someone who doesn't welcome it). So, don't feel guilty about having it. Fantasies help you explore yourself and your romantic feelings, without acting on it. They help you figure out what turn you on and what you feel comfortable the most, also what you don't. You learn what you want to do or don't want to do, and a lot of fantasies stay that way - fantasies. It is also normal for people to fantasize about things they wouldn't feel comfortable doing in real life. Or, sometimes, your fantasies can set a stage for real situations, and prepares you to act in a way that is true to yourself. They also allow you to imagine having sex - without the real life consequences if you do it physically.

What is Sex? - Your Sexuality

2007-01-10T02:28:00.000-08:00

Your Sexuality

Understand your sexuality
Sex can be pretty confusing, but that's the challenge of learning. Your parents might have have told you that sex is a sacred act between two married people who really love each other very much. In my belief, it's true. But then, when you turn on your TV, VOILA !!! you see quite a different story isn't it? People having casual or meaningless sex, or perhaps use it to get revenge or to control people, or most of the time use it to advertise everything from a-z.

The point is, people are giving a lot of misinformation (bad information more like it) about sex. And while you may have already had 'The Sex Talk' with your parents, you may still have some question unanswered, or you were told, when the time comes you will know (I personally detest this answer). Your parents, teachers or doctors will be more than happy to answer, but then, this kinda stuff could be very embarrasing ( I have some vivid memories about this, but we'll get to it later)

What is Sex? - Healthy Relationship Part 4

2007-01-08T02:27:00.000-08:00

What is unhealthy relationship?
Unhealthy relationship is abusive relationship, physically and emotionally. Abusive relationship is about control, fear and lack of respect. Most of the time, one partner is in control while there other one cowers with fear and resentment. Abusive relationship can involves name callings, blaming, guilt-tripping, physical violence, threats or jealous questioning. Being in an abusive relationship will hurts your self-esteem.

If you suspect you are in an abusive relationship, there's a good chance you actually are. Deep down, you might know that you are better off without the relationship, but feel unable to leave or afraid to do so. If that's the case, seek help from parents, counsellor, doctor, psychologist, social worker or any close friend. If the relationship becomes physically abusive, go to your local authority to get help and protection. You owe it to yourself to get out of the relationship.

What is Sex? - Healthy Relationship Part 3

2007-01-07T15:52:00.000-08:00

Respect.
You have respect for each other. There's no superiority from either one of you and none of you should feel inferior. You respect each other's right to different opinions and ideas.

Enjoyment.
A great relationship is also about enjoying each other's company (if you don't enjoy your partner's company, what are you doing with that person anyway?). You feel energized and alive in your partner's presence. You can have fun, laugh and play together.

What is Sex? - Healthy Relationship Part 2

2007-01-02T02:22:00.000-08:00

Honesty.
No important things will be hidden from each other, and you can say what you are thinking with no fear of being ridiculed by your partner. You are also able to admit whenever you are in the wrong and be able to resolve your disagreements by talking about it openly with your partner.

Acceptance.
Accept each other as you really are. You appreciate each other's uniqueness' and don't try to fix them. If you find that you don't like your partner's uniqueness, you shouldn't be with that person.

What is Sex? - Healthy Relationship

2007-01-01T02:20:00.000-08:00

What is sex?
Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship makes you feel good about yourself and your partner and vice versa. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves and have good fun together. Every relationship is different and there is really no blue print of a great and healthy relationship. However, all relationship share this 5 great qualities:

Safety.
You'll feel safe in a healthy relationship. There's no need to worry of your partner harming you, physically or emotionally, at the same time, you are also not tempted to harm your partner. You can change your mind on something and tell your partner the truth without fearing how your partner will respond to you.

What is Sex? - Love? Part 2

2006-12-31T21:02:00.000-08:00

Let's look at this from both perspective

The Good
A good relationship can change the world as you know it - for the better.
A positive relationship lets you be yourself as well as be a part of a couple.

The Bad
A sure sign, it's a bad relationship is when you feel like you can't be yourself, or perhaps, you feel pressured into doing things you're not comfortable with or that you wouldn't normally do. This kind of relationship is very damaging and sometimes could take sometime to heal from it, if its traumatic.

So, how do I know that I'm in a bad relationship? You need to know who you are, what you want and what you are comfortable with. Anything that interfere with who you really are, are worth 2nd or 3rd of 4th thoughts...

True love can last. I could start out like infatuation, but soon the difference will become clear. Loving someone means knowing who they are - their good and not so good qualities - and accepting it, and vice versa. It's about respecting (sometime sharing) their values, choices and feelings - ingredients of a great relationship.

Love also means, respecting your partner's space and time - knowing that your partner is emotionally there, even when they are not with you physically. You may, or may not choose to have sex with partner when you are a relationship. Yes, platonic relationship does exist. Just remember, there are many ways to express your love and affection for someone, sex is just of of those many ways. Just a reminder, choosing not to have sex doesn't mean you don't love each other. It just means that you've found other way to express your feelings !!!

What is Sex? - Love?

2006-12-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

What is sex?
Love: Is it love?

Now, you've been asking yourself, how do I know if and when I've fallen in love, or if this is the person you want to have a sexual relationship with? I'm sorry, but love is another complicated matter, that there's no definite answer to it, nor could I give you a checklist or quiz that can tell you the answer whether you are in love, or whether you are ready to have sex. You need to find the answer within yourself, at how you feel about this person.

• Do you trust him/her?
• Do you enjoy being around him/her?
• Do you want to be intimate with him/her?
• Would you feel comfortable being naked in front of him/her?

What is Sex? - Your sexual health

2006-12-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

What is sex?
Sexual health

Sexually healthy means you are free from disease, violence, injury, fear and false belief. It means that you are comfortable with your sexuality and be able to control and positively experience your own sexuality and reproduction system.

So ask yourself, are you?

Don't worry overmuch if you still have some questions need to be answered. You could mail me in malay if you wish. In fact I'm coming up with a malay version of this site. soon...

What is Sex?

2006-12-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

What is Sex?

The question is, are YOU ready for it?
Sex is complicated issue, it comes with pleasure (or pain?) and definitely responsibility is attached to it, permanently. I want this blog to be an open discussion place for you to find your answers for a lot of questions that are running through your head even now.

But, that is growing up isn't it? It means, learning and experimenting. It also means, taking up responsibilities, and be accountable of your actions and choices. Deciding if, when and with who you want to have sex are tough, still they are your decisions to make and no one else's.

Your religion might taught you to wait until you are married, or maybe your parents forbid it. But being teenagers (yeah, I know), love to experiment. So, in the end, it's still your decision.

Before you decide against or pro it, consider all the benefits and the consequences. You might want to ask yourself:

1. Are you ready?
Nobody has the right to dictate you in this matter. If you are not ready, stand by your decision. Never ever let anybody under mind you, even your boyfriend/girlfriend !!! Yeah, yeah, I know he/she said that if you love him/her, you should let him/her have it... let me give you a wake up call, if you boyfriend/girlfriend really love you, he /she won't force you. Sex is not a tool to prove your love nor not having sex means that you don't love someone. I'm refer to both gender, because, sometimes, it's the girl who do the asking...
Another matter to consider, what does your religion dictates? If having sex will make you feel guilty for not abiding with your teaching, perhaps you should wait. Sex shouldn't be done with guilt...

2. Should you wait?
On the bring of making decision, if you feel even one tiny bit unsure whether you should have sex or not, stop there. This is a sure sign that you are actually not ready. Take a deep breath, and list down on a page, why do you think you should have sex, and on another paper why do you think you shouldn't have sex now. Sit on it for as long as you need. After all, its your body, and you have to take the consequences and responsibilities of you decision.

3.It takes two, is my partner ready yet?
You might feel that you are ready, but sex takes 2. The question is, is your partner ready yet? Have you talk to your partner about this and how he/she feels about it?

4.Safety first: are you protected?
Are protected enough? Do you use contraception? Or does contraception sound greek to you? If it does, this is a sure sign, nope, your are not ready yet. Learn more about how to protect both you and your partners, then decide...